Type 2 Diabetic. Cyclist Flâneur.   Coffeeneur.    Errandoneur
A bike / map geek with a gadget obsession and a high-viz fetish.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Bike Math 101: calculating the maximum number of bicycles

9/10/11 #233

No miles to report this week; no riding at all due to a kneee isshew.

Today's Yehuda Moon opens to public scrutiny a wisdom that is closely-held among bicyclists, passed down by verbal tradition, and never disclosed to non-riders, spouses, or (shudder) marketing types:
What is the maximum number of bikes you can own?

The General Theory of Bikes
In a most-perfect-world the maximum number of bikes is given by
Bikesmax = N + 1
where N= the number of bikes you currently have.

The General Theory holds well in ideal conditions but observations have revealed several niches in which the General Theory is problematic, resulting in the postulation of several special rules. We await a Unified Theory of Bicycles will which be valid in all situations and reveal the Grand Theme.

The Special Condition of Urban Dwelling
In the special condition of Urban Dwelling, or other anomolies that approximate those conditions, the maximum number of bikes is given by a variation of Boyle's Law:
"In the absence of any other constraint (spouse,money) the number of bicycles owned will expand to fill the space available for their storage." (via BicycleBill)

The Special Condition of Hipsters and Minimalists
These are special conditions of constraint due to a faulty individual apprehension of social norms. The number of bikes in this special condition are given by the following formula:
Bikesmax = 1
  • These self-imposed conditions disappear in the presence of employment and/or mating.

The Special Condition of Husbands Spouses
Bicyclists who are Spouses (or who have been Spouses) have their max-bike-value set thusly:
Bikesmax = 4 - { Snow + Sprev }
Where Snow is the number of spouses now, and Sprev is the number of previous (ex-) spouses
  • Buddy's Law: Some bicyclists in this situation have proposed legislation requiring marriage license offices to provide written notice of this situation and a mandatory 24-hour "cooling off" period to any bicyclist applying for a marriage certificate.
  • The recent expansion of marriage in states such as California and New York may provide valuable insights that have not been studied.
  • We await feedback on whether a special corollary is necessary for Utah or other polygamous cultures.

Week 35
this week:
0 miles
  [3rd quarter: 1382 miles]    
2011: 3073 miles

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